August 5, 2025
In a stunning turn of events, the long-guarded formula for the classified Layer-9 Configuration has been compromised. Early Tuesday morning, food defense teams confirmed unauthorized access to the Sauce Distribution Matrix, believed to be the heart of the operation. Lasagna operatives are working overtime to locate the source of the leak and contain the fallout, which could alter the course of dinner forever.
Sources claim the breach was orchestrated via an encrypted recipe swap on the dark kitchen web, involving an anonymous entity codenamed Chef Phantomoodle. The Culinary Intelligence Bureau (CIB) has issued a warning: any attempt to replicate the Triple Mozzarella Overload Protocol without authorization may result in a flavor singularity. Citizens are advised to proceed with standard lasagna operations until further notice.